Yeah, sorry, I don't really have a whole Beetlecave thing going on here. Technically, the one back home isn't actually a cave either.
[It's Nadia and Hector, in their small, messy house at their computer screens. It's not even a homebase, just a number he calls when he's panicking and needs intel. Still, they all call it the Beetlecave, and the name stuck.
He gets Robin seated at the kitchen table. It's funny, actually -- all the hard talks he's ever had back home were at the kitchen table, with his Mom and Dad sitting across from him, from we have bad news about abuela to so what's all this about Batman? Once he came here and started living on his own, he started doing the exact same thing.
Go figure. He tosses Robin the bag of sweets first, then slides over some of the takeout he bought. It's just some cheap amalgamation of pan-asian cuisines, but as far as he knows, Robin's not the type of guy used to cooking much better himself like Shinji is.]
So, [he says slowly, still leaning against the counter.] It's been kind of a tough week, huh? Has anyone, um... has anyone checked to see how you're doing yet?
[ For all that Robin hasn't eaten right in days, once he's actually here, he doesn't feel so hungry. He sits, staring at the takeout in front of him and resisting the urge to chew on his lip, a nervous tic that he can't afford as Robin.
Is Jaime actually concerned about him? Or is this a lead-in to something? Is he just asking to be polite?
His stomach churns faintly. Maybe this was a mistake. ]
I haven't told anyone.
[ He'd flipped out at Gogo, but that had been an accident. Bart knows now, too, but that was only an apology. He's done his best to keep his secrets secret. ]
Yeah... figured that might be the case. There's not that many people to tell.
[But it's lonesome, isn't it? Jaime thinks about who he's talked to about Wally's death, thinks about Kotetsu walking on him crying before Kotetsu fell apart instead. He thinks about talking to Bart - the only other person who absolutely knows - and how it'd be impossible to when it's his family who he watched die, how he swings erratically between his mania and his strange, soft seriousness that's impossible to confide in.
Yeah. It's hard to go up to someone else and say, hey, so my friend dies, and that sucks.]
Look.
[He seems like he's going to say something, but then just sort of hunches his shoulders up, taking a deep breath before he slides a chair out, sits down across from Robin, and starts again.]
...look. Hearing this sort of thing sucks. It sucks even without hearing it the way you did. But all I'm trying to say here is that I'm not exactly new to this sort of thing. I know how hard this must be.
[Robin's gotta have someone. It just kind of sucks that the guy who's offering just so happens to be someone he wasn't really friends with in the first place.]
[ It might have been venomous, a few days ago. Now he just sounds tired. A little bitter. He shouldn't be hearing this from someone else. A relative stranger shouldn't be more used to his best friend's death than he is.
And god, how messed up is it that he's envious of something that awful? ]
I know he's confided in you. And— [ Robin hesitates, his hands curling into loose fists in his lap, weighing whether to say the next part. ] I guess I'm glad he's had... someone, in all this. He shouldn't be alone.
[ It's not a lie. It just isn't the whole truth. ]
[Oh. Well, that's not what Jaime had wanted to get across, but he supposes he should have expected as much; it must have hurt to know that Jaime and Khaji Da knew before he did. He'd meant that he was no stranger to dead friends, even if he only knows ahead of the fact. There's Eddie and Nadia, Laurie and Shinji, Minato and Tadashi...
Time to try a different tack. Mostly the one where Robin's flat-out wrong. Jaime wishes that Wally felt that he could confide in him, but he didn't about his death, not really. Jaime just pushed and prodded and tried. God, he'd tried.
It hadn't worked.]
I'm not sure I'd say confided in. He's not the one who told me. If he had his way, I might've been finding it out now, same as you. You know that, right?
[ Except he'd seen Wally talking to Blue Beetle at the swear-in. It clearly wasn't the first time they'd discussed it. I'll be your damsel, he'd said. That's close enough to confiding for Dick. ]
I don't know. I don't know anything, really. He barely explained, he just got all defensive. He said he had plans, and that you and Tadashi and whoever else he told were working on things.
[ He pulls his gaze away from Jaime, letting out a tense breath through his nose. ]
Whatever it is, he wanted you in on it more than me. That much was clear.
[Oh, boy. Jaime had invited Robin over thinking he might need someone to talk to about being torn up about Wally's future disappearance, or death, or whatever the heck it was. It would have sucked, but Jaime would be able to understand it. He hadn't quite realized that he abruptly signed himself up for the Robin Jealousy Hour, which is just stupid, considering how dearly Wally held Robin, the fact that he is, without a doubt, Wally's best friend.
God, this is so dumb.]
Okay, let's just -- let's just back up here. Number one? I knew before Wally knew. And... look, he should've told you. It was a seriously low move not telling you, but it had nothing to do with him wanting other people in on it more than you, or not trusting you, or whatever. You just think it does because he...
[He rubs one hand over his face.]
'Cause he probably just started yelling instead of explaining.
[ Okay, so instead of staring morosely at the food, he grabs a fork and stabs it, twirling it until the noodles are thoroughly captured. That's improvement, right? ]
He explained and then yelled, and he told me there's nothing I can do that he hasn't already done. But you're close.
[ Robin knows what Jaime is saying isn't wrong. It's just that... well, sometimes when he's in a funk, the last thing he wants is someone telling him, quite reasonably, that he has no reason to be. Especially when it's something like this.
And god, being jealous is so much easier than being heartbroken, being devastated. He takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully before begrudgingly admitting, ]
I... might not have been the most sensitive either. Not that he gave me a chance to be.
Yeah, uh, sometimes it's not so easy to be sensitive when everyone's tempers are all...
[He just makes a vague motion with his hands, something that could be accurately interpreted as fired up. The thing is, Robin is technically right. Wally should have told him. And Wally probably started off yelling, and on the defensive, when he should have been apologetic. And Wally really, really isn't an easy person to be friends with sometimes, but he's so great that the fact that it's work sometimes doesn't actually matter in the end, because it's worth it.
Robin knows that already, or else he wouldn't be Wally's best friend. So even though Robin is technically right, of course Jaime's going to argue on Wally's behalf anyway.]
But he still needs you, you know, even if he doesn't say as much. It hasn't exactly been easy for him. You can understand that, right?
[ Robin's stomach gets that lurching, fluttery feeling again, and he bites down on the inside of his cheek. For once in the conversation, he decides not to be contrary. He doesn't address the "he still needs you" part, since, really, that's debatable. That Wally's been having a hard time, though — there's no arguing that. Sympathy for someone who's doing his best to be insensitive isn't easy, but if Wally deserves it from anyone, it's him. So. ]
Of course I understand. I know it hasn't been easy, even if he's acting like it. Honestly, I can't imagine how hard it must be for him.
I— ... you realize this isn't all about me, right? If it was just... envy or something, whatever, I could deal with it. It's not the first time. But being told there's nothing I can do to help him, that he has it under control when he clearly doesn't, that I'm not even good enough to be emotional support...
[ He shoves a hand into his hair, leaning the elbow of that arm on the table. ]
That's what I can't handle. That's what's killing me.
[This is harder than Jaime thought it would be, and to be fair, he already thought it was going to be pretty darn hard. It's so stupid, that people here know about their future deaths, and everyone around them is forced into wondering how to support them, if they're doing a good enough job, if they're even good enough for the job.
And the thing is, he doesn't really know Robin. For other people, he can confidently tell them how amazing they are - and believe it - and he can talk up their strengths until the cows come home, but Robin's just... this kid in sunglasses. They've talked maybe three times, and even then, it had been brief.
Jaime can be kind of bad at getting to know other heroes, sometimes. And now it's backfiring, because he really ought to know more about his best friend's best friend.]
It sounds like he got really angry, [he says quiet, folding his hands on top of the table.] I dunno, this might not make you feel any better, but I'm not sure who is good enough to be emotional support. I tried and, uh, we fought. A lot. I get a little pushy sometimes.
[Not a huge surprise, considering he's the one who dragged Robin out here in the first place.]
I think you can help him, though. Seriously, I do. But being emotional support means that you've gotta actually talk about it in the first place, and...
[And that isn't something Wally wants to do. That much has been made clear.]
[ But there's no anger behind it, really. Just sadness and quiet desperation. Robin screws his eyes shut behind his sunglasses, shoulders going tense. He doesn't bother to hide it. Jaime already knows he's messed-up over this. Why lie? ]
It's not like— like I'm much better at talking. But he gets on everyone else's case about hiding stuff, you know? About not being open enough. He takes it very personally when people don't trust him. And then something like this...
[ He has to swallow, hard, pausing for a moment. ]
I could get him to talk. But he has to want to. And he... already made it apparent that he thinks I'd go behind his back about it if he didn't tell me.
I don't know what the right approach is anymore. Or if there is one. Maybe I'm really not the right person for this.
[That's what Wally needs, more than anything else. Nobody can really help him, not unless they're a heck of a lot smarter than everyone else. Jaime buys that Robin's smarter than him, but smarter than people like Tadashi, smarter than everyone else trying to figure out a solution to their problem and failing? Not even Robin's that smart.
If they can't figure out a solution right away, all they can do is try to support Wally the best they can.]
I mean, yeah, maybe you're not the right person to deal with this, especially if he doesn't wanna deal with it. But you are his friend, right? He's always gonna need those.
[Even if he is a huge hypocrite that blows up when people don't trust him. Man, Jaime should have been gossiping about Wally to Robin ages ago.]
[ Robin sounds a little incredulous, a little wounded. Like he's being accused of something awful, of abandoning Wally, when he's not the one who left. Like he hasn't been steadfast enough, tried hard enough, loved him enough. God, what did Wally say? ]
[But he is. He's the one who moved out of the cave. He's the one who cut off contact after that one big argument. Jaime can't say he blames the poor guy, but it's like he'd told Wally -- Wally's the dead one. He's the one who's had to learn how to deal with this. Sure, he screwed up, and he screwed up bad, and he should apologize, but...
It hasn't been easy.]
But sometimes being someone's friend means that you gotta go see what's up with them, even after they screwed up.
[ He huffs, shoulders bunching up in defiance or self-defense, but he knows Jaime's right. It's the thing he should do. It's the thing he'd like to think he'd want to do under different circumstances, but maybe he's too stubborn and this is just an excuse.
... Five years. ]
Is he... [ All right, Robin almost says, but that's impossible. ] ... How's he doing?
[Jaime thinks about Wally, slumped on the couch with a room filled with trash, telenovelas blaring on the screen. It would be a betrayal to say that much, but the way Jaime hesitates, tilting his head a little, is probably a good enough tell. He's not that great of a liar, and Robin's trade is built in part on reading people.]
He's definitely been better. All that fear gas crap probably didn't help.
[ A pang of sympathy, and it physically hurts. He wants to help. Wally doesn't want him to help. He feels lost at sea, knowing his friend is out there hurting and there's nothing he can do. ]
[He shakes his head. His visit hadn't really done much good anyway, considering he just decided to take a backseat and watch dumb crap with Wally instead of confronting the problem -- mostly because he'd wanted Robin to confront the problem instead.
Sorry, Robin.]
You don't hafta thank me for something like that. And... [He runs one hand through his hair.] Ugh. I meant what I said about trying to at least talk to him again about this whole thing, but I really did want to check on you too. I promise this wasn't just so I could lecture you, or whatever.
[ Robin waves a hand, shaking his head. Talk about wrong impressions. ]
I'm sure you mean well. And it's nice of you to check in on me even though we don't really know each other. Thanks for trying to... um, facilitate this.
I do miss him. But I don't know what he needs. And he doesn't want me to know what he needs. And yeah, I'm upset, but more than that? I'm at a loss for what to do.
[I'm sure you mean well, he says, and isn't that always the case with Jaime? A part of him considers the fact that maybe he should have pushed Wally to talk to Robin a little more, but... he'd been tired too. He didn't feel like fighting about it, and it was way, way too hard to even consider yelling at the dead guy that he was dealing with his death the wrong way. Nobody's going to be totally rational about a thing like that.
Just like nobody's going to be totally rational about their best friend kicking the bucket in the future.]
Yeah...
[He's already suggested reaching out to Wally, opening up an avenue so they can at least talk it out, but beyond that? He's a little lost.]
This is one of those things that just sucks for literally everyone involved. He'll come around.
It's not like I'm not going to forgive him. It isn't— about me.
[ He lifts his hands, rubbing tiredly at his eyes behind his sunglasses. Knowing it isn't about him, unfortunately, doesn't do much to ease the sting of betrayal, or the constant nagging thought that he doesn't need you.
If there was a solution he could see... but there isn't.
He looks back up. ]
If there's anything I can do to help...? I know he has people working on it already, and he doesn't... think there's anything I can do that you guys can't. And maybe that's true. But if you think of something?
Jaime's not going to voice that, but part of it is. Wally's hurting because Robin's his best friend, and Robin is hurting because the feeling is mutual. Of course it's going to be about each other, even when it's tied into way bigger things than that.]
I'm not the one doing the work, Robin. I'm just the glorified cheerleader with a helper in my spine, [he has to point out. Honestly, if anyone should be on this project, shouldn't it be the guy who can communicate with technology and actually has the skills to back it up?]
...but I'll let you know. Maybe after this all blows over, you can get in on the project too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
performance) wrote2014-04-10 06:52 pm
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[It's Nadia and Hector, in their small, messy house at their computer screens. It's not even a homebase, just a number he calls when he's panicking and needs intel. Still, they all call it the Beetlecave, and the name stuck.
He gets Robin seated at the kitchen table. It's funny, actually -- all the hard talks he's ever had back home were at the kitchen table, with his Mom and Dad sitting across from him, from we have bad news about abuela to so what's all this about Batman? Once he came here and started living on his own, he started doing the exact same thing.
Go figure. He tosses Robin the bag of sweets first, then slides over some of the takeout he bought. It's just some cheap amalgamation of pan-asian cuisines, but as far as he knows, Robin's not the type of guy used to cooking much better himself like Shinji is.]
So, [he says slowly, still leaning against the counter.] It's been kind of a tough week, huh? Has anyone, um... has anyone checked to see how you're doing yet?
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Is Jaime actually concerned about him? Or is this a lead-in to something? Is he just asking to be polite?
His stomach churns faintly. Maybe this was a mistake. ]
I haven't told anyone.
[ He'd flipped out at Gogo, but that had been an accident. Bart knows now, too, but that was only an apology. He's done his best to keep his secrets secret. ]
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[But it's lonesome, isn't it? Jaime thinks about who he's talked to about Wally's death, thinks about Kotetsu walking on him crying before Kotetsu fell apart instead. He thinks about talking to Bart - the only other person who absolutely knows - and how it'd be impossible to when it's his family who he watched die, how he swings erratically between his mania and his strange, soft seriousness that's impossible to confide in.
Yeah. It's hard to go up to someone else and say, hey, so my friend dies, and that sucks.]
Look.
[He seems like he's going to say something, but then just sort of hunches his shoulders up, taking a deep breath before he slides a chair out, sits down across from Robin, and starts again.]
...look. Hearing this sort of thing sucks. It sucks even without hearing it the way you did. But all I'm trying to say here is that I'm not exactly new to this sort of thing. I know how hard this must be.
[Robin's gotta have someone. It just kind of sucks that the guy who's offering just so happens to be someone he wasn't really friends with in the first place.]
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[ It might have been venomous, a few days ago. Now he just sounds tired. A little bitter. He shouldn't be hearing this from someone else. A relative stranger shouldn't be more used to his best friend's death than he is.
And god, how messed up is it that he's envious of something that awful? ]
I know he's confided in you. And— [ Robin hesitates, his hands curling into loose fists in his lap, weighing whether to say the next part. ] I guess I'm glad he's had... someone, in all this. He shouldn't be alone.
[ It's not a lie. It just isn't the whole truth. ]
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Time to try a different tack. Mostly the one where Robin's flat-out wrong. Jaime wishes that Wally felt that he could confide in him, but he didn't about his death, not really. Jaime just pushed and prodded and tried. God, he'd tried.
It hadn't worked.]
I'm not sure I'd say confided in. He's not the one who told me. If he had his way, I might've been finding it out now, same as you. You know that, right?
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I don't know. I don't know anything, really. He barely explained, he just got all defensive. He said he had plans, and that you and Tadashi and whoever else he told were working on things.
[ He pulls his gaze away from Jaime, letting out a tense breath through his nose. ]
Whatever it is, he wanted you in on it more than me. That much was clear.
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God, this is so dumb.]
Okay, let's just -- let's just back up here. Number one? I knew before Wally knew. And... look, he should've told you. It was a seriously low move not telling you, but it had nothing to do with him wanting other people in on it more than you, or not trusting you, or whatever. You just think it does because he...
[He rubs one hand over his face.]
'Cause he probably just started yelling instead of explaining.
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He explained and then yelled, and he told me there's nothing I can do that he hasn't already done. But you're close.
[ Robin knows what Jaime is saying isn't wrong. It's just that... well, sometimes when he's in a funk, the last thing he wants is someone telling him, quite reasonably, that he has no reason to be. Especially when it's something like this.
And god, being jealous is so much easier than being heartbroken, being devastated. He takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully before begrudgingly admitting, ]
I... might not have been the most sensitive either. Not that he gave me a chance to be.
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[He just makes a vague motion with his hands, something that could be accurately interpreted as fired up. The thing is, Robin is technically right. Wally should have told him. And Wally probably started off yelling, and on the defensive, when he should have been apologetic. And Wally really, really isn't an easy person to be friends with sometimes, but he's so great that the fact that it's work sometimes doesn't actually matter in the end, because it's worth it.
Robin knows that already, or else he wouldn't be Wally's best friend. So even though Robin is technically right, of course Jaime's going to argue on Wally's behalf anyway.]
But he still needs you, you know, even if he doesn't say as much. It hasn't exactly been easy for him. You can understand that, right?
no subject
Of course I understand. I know it hasn't been easy, even if he's acting like it. Honestly, I can't imagine how hard it must be for him.
I— ... you realize this isn't all about me, right? If it was just... envy or something, whatever, I could deal with it. It's not the first time. But being told there's nothing I can do to help him, that he has it under control when he clearly doesn't, that I'm not even good enough to be emotional support...
[ He shoves a hand into his hair, leaning the elbow of that arm on the table. ]
That's what I can't handle. That's what's killing me.
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And the thing is, he doesn't really know Robin. For other people, he can confidently tell them how amazing they are - and believe it - and he can talk up their strengths until the cows come home, but Robin's just... this kid in sunglasses. They've talked maybe three times, and even then, it had been brief.
Jaime can be kind of bad at getting to know other heroes, sometimes. And now it's backfiring, because he really ought to know more about his best friend's best friend.]
It sounds like he got really angry, [he says quiet, folding his hands on top of the table.] I dunno, this might not make you feel any better, but I'm not sure who is good enough to be emotional support. I tried and, uh, we fought. A lot. I get a little pushy sometimes.
[Not a huge surprise, considering he's the one who dragged Robin out here in the first place.]
I think you can help him, though. Seriously, I do. But being emotional support means that you've gotta actually talk about it in the first place, and...
[And that isn't something Wally wants to do. That much has been made clear.]
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[ But there's no anger behind it, really. Just sadness and quiet desperation. Robin screws his eyes shut behind his sunglasses, shoulders going tense. He doesn't bother to hide it. Jaime already knows he's messed-up over this. Why lie? ]
It's not like— like I'm much better at talking. But he gets on everyone else's case about hiding stuff, you know? About not being open enough. He takes it very personally when people don't trust him. And then something like this...
[ He has to swallow, hard, pausing for a moment. ]
I could get him to talk. But he has to want to. And he... already made it apparent that he thinks I'd go behind his back about it if he didn't tell me.
I don't know what the right approach is anymore. Or if there is one. Maybe I'm really not the right person for this.
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[That's what Wally needs, more than anything else. Nobody can really help him, not unless they're a heck of a lot smarter than everyone else. Jaime buys that Robin's smarter than him, but smarter than people like Tadashi, smarter than everyone else trying to figure out a solution to their problem and failing? Not even Robin's that smart.
If they can't figure out a solution right away, all they can do is try to support Wally the best they can.]
I mean, yeah, maybe you're not the right person to deal with this, especially if he doesn't wanna deal with it. But you are his friend, right? He's always gonna need those.
[Even if he is a huge hypocrite that blows up when people don't trust him. Man, Jaime should have been gossiping about Wally to Robin ages ago.]
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[ Robin sounds a little incredulous, a little wounded. Like he's being accused of something awful, of abandoning Wally, when he's not the one who left. Like he hasn't been steadfast enough, tried hard enough, loved him enough. God, what did Wally say? ]
I'm not the one pulling away.
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[But he is. He's the one who moved out of the cave. He's the one who cut off contact after that one big argument. Jaime can't say he blames the poor guy, but it's like he'd told Wally -- Wally's the dead one. He's the one who's had to learn how to deal with this. Sure, he screwed up, and he screwed up bad, and he should apologize, but...
It hasn't been easy.]
But sometimes being someone's friend means that you gotta go see what's up with them, even after they screwed up.
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[ He huffs, shoulders bunching up in defiance or self-defense, but he knows Jaime's right. It's the thing he should do. It's the thing he'd like to think he'd want to do under different circumstances, but maybe he's too stubborn and this is just an excuse.
... Five years. ]
Is he... [ All right, Robin almost says, but that's impossible. ] ... How's he doing?
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He's definitely been better. All that fear gas crap probably didn't help.
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Thanks. For checking on him.
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Sorry, Robin.]
You don't hafta thank me for something like that. And... [He runs one hand through his hair.] Ugh. I meant what I said about trying to at least talk to him again about this whole thing, but I really did want to check on you too. I promise this wasn't just so I could lecture you, or whatever.
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[ Robin waves a hand, shaking his head. Talk about wrong impressions. ]
I'm sure you mean well. And it's nice of you to check in on me even though we don't really know each other. Thanks for trying to... um, facilitate this.
I do miss him. But I don't know what he needs. And he doesn't want me to know what he needs. And yeah, I'm upset, but more than that? I'm at a loss for what to do.
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Just like nobody's going to be totally rational about their best friend kicking the bucket in the future.]
Yeah...
[He's already suggested reaching out to Wally, opening up an avenue so they can at least talk it out, but beyond that? He's a little lost.]
This is one of those things that just sucks for literally everyone involved. He'll come around.
If you do too, that is.
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[ He lifts his hands, rubbing tiredly at his eyes behind his sunglasses. Knowing it isn't about him, unfortunately, doesn't do much to ease the sting of betrayal, or the constant nagging thought that he doesn't need you.
If there was a solution he could see... but there isn't.
He looks back up. ]
If there's anything I can do to help...? I know he has people working on it already, and he doesn't... think there's anything I can do that you guys can't. And maybe that's true. But if you think of something?
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Jaime's not going to voice that, but part of it is. Wally's hurting because Robin's his best friend, and Robin is hurting because the feeling is mutual. Of course it's going to be about each other, even when it's tied into way bigger things than that.]
I'm not the one doing the work, Robin. I'm just the glorified cheerleader with a helper in my spine, [he has to point out. Honestly, if anyone should be on this project, shouldn't it be the guy who can communicate with technology and actually has the skills to back it up?]
...but I'll let you know. Maybe after this all blows over, you can get in on the project too.