IC CONTACT - MASK OR MENACE

[performance]

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[performance]

I know, I'm hilarious.

[ And he winks, even! God! One last bandage and he's done. Good as new, no risk of infection. ]

There. Was that so bad?

[sidecars]

[ Bucky snorts at that dumb wink, although he doesn't exactly pull his hand away once he's been released. ]

Guess not. You've got a better bedside manner than some of the nurses, I can tell you that much.

[performance]

Ha! Are you normally a terrible patient, Bucky?

[ WHY ARE YOU STILL HOLDING MY HAND... ]

[sidecars]

Of course! They're lucky if they can keep me in a cot for an hours, let alone overnight.

[ YOU'RE THE ONE STILL HOLDING ONTO HIS HAND OKAY?! ]

Except when I get shot. That always puts me down for a bit...

[ Yeesh, those slugs hurt. ]

[performance]

I bet you're an absolute menace.

[ A caring little hand pat, and then he does let go properly. Hands to himself! Especially after that chihuahua... ]

"Always"? You say that like it happens a lot. [ God, getting shot sucks. Not that he can sympathize out loud... ugh. Still, he doesn't balk too much. He's well aware of what his friend does. ] How often do you get shot, dude?

[sidecars]

Well. I am in a war. [ He looks pointedly at Dick before laughing. C'mon, man. He is a red and blue target for the entire Axis Armies. ] I dunno how many times... Not like a lot! But I remember getting in shot the back a couple of times, got hit in the shoulder. Get winged a hell of a lot...

[performance]

I'm not surprised. [ Wait... he frowns. ] Um, that sounds kind of insulting. I mean, I know what you do! It stands to reason you'd have gotten hit a few times. Just, you know, the way you said it...

[ He's worried, okay? ]

[sidecars]

Maybe it was a bit of an over-exaggeration. I'm usually the one going in to take out as many snipers and guards as can be so we can avoid all the bullets.

It's usually miscellaneous that gets me in the end. Mad scientists, weird experiments, mysterious chemicals... Vampires—That was a fun day haha ha!

[ He can joke about it now, but it was horrible when it began. ]

[performance]

There were vampires in World War Two? Man, they only taught us the boring stuff in history class!

[sidecars]

Oops... That was probably classified then. Forget I said anything, okay?

[ He doesn't sound too worried to let it slip. ]

But yes there were, and it was a pain to deal with. They'd turn our soldier against us...

[performance]

Was there biting?

[ He glances at Bucky's neck. ]

[sidecars]

Yeah, they were vampires! [ That's what vampires do! Do you know any other kind of vampires, Dick?? ] Wow, hey, don't even think it! [ He rubs at the side of his neck, which is equally covered in a few nicks and lines of scar tissue around the hem of his collar. Nothing that looks like fang marks, though, sorry. ] They sure tried, but no one gnawed on me.

[performance]

I didn't know, okay! Sometimes in the movies they can kind of hypnotize you, but they only bite people they wanna, y'know... [ These are some awkward vague hand gestures that are meant to indicate vampiric sexytimes, but absolutely do not. ] Sorry I'm not a vampire expert like you!

[sidecars]

[ Clearly. ]

No I obviously don't know. What's this [ He mirrors Dick's weird interpretive hand dance. ] mean exactly?

[ Show him, Dicky. He'll be your Bella. ]

[performance]

[ ahem. ]

Sexy vampire seduction.

[sidecars]

[ It takes him a second, but the delayed reaction is worth it. He just looks on at Dick in horror and disgust, seizing like he's been overcome with a fit. ]

Eww, what? What vampires have you seen that are sexy? Why would you even—What?!

[performance]

What? You're kidding! That wasn't a thing back then? I mean, I know the whole "sexy brooding vampire boyfriend" craze didn't really take off until like, the 90s, but Dracula was supposed to be seductive! Kind of!

[sidecars]

Well. Alright, I see your point. They can be pretty, but once they show their true colors... Their faces are...

[ Bucky sticks out his tongue. ]

Who wants to date a vampire?! They're monsters!

[performance]

I think that's part of the fantasy.

[sidecars]

[ His nose crinkles up further. ]

I don't get it.

[performance]

You know! Danger! Passion!

[ Dick wiggles his fingers, leaning in closer and putting on what he imagines to be a very seductive voice. Surprisingly it isn't Count von Count. ]

I'm ancient and powerful and I could drink your blood and have my way with you if I wanted to, but I won't, because I love you and ooonly you.

[sidecars]

[ Instinctively, Bucky leans back a little when Dick comes closer, but he's grinning. His feet slip out from under him and he sits back on his rear with an embarrassed but amused laugh. ]

Oh my God! Well, I think the vampire should still have his way.

[ He waggles his eyebrows a little at the bodice-ripper suggestion. Isn't that what the damsel would want anyway? ]

[performance]

Is that an invitation? Not that I need one...

[ Oh, yes, Dickie's invading his personal space. ]

[sidecars]

What—? Ohh no. Oh nooo! [ He starts crab walking back, but it's clear Bucky isn't trying that hard to avoid him. Just trying harder to get. ]

[performance]

[ And that's when Dick starts doing his best monster movie cackle and leans in to try and chomp on Bucky's neck. ]

Mwahahahahaha!